Turtles in a half shell, turtle power!

Two weeks ago, I went home for about 7 days and my mom drove me back to North Carolina to stay with us. It was a really nice visit and I really enjoyed the past 2 weeks with my mom. Sadly, she was supposed to go back to Ohio yesterday (Tuesday 9/17/13) however we found out that the local Turtle Hospital was releasing 3 turtles back into the ocean the next day, the last release of the year and immediately my mom decided to stay another day. I was excited because I've been wanting to see several turtle releases since I've moved down here, but its been hard since we only have one car. Plus, I wanted to see the turtles go back into the ocean with my mom. She loves turtles, I think she loves turtles as much as she loves cats which is a lot people!

The next day we got up mega early and headed straight for the beach! The turtles were being released at 10am sharp so we wanted to make sure we got front row seats. It was a beautiful day for the turtles to go back to their homes! It wasn't too hot or too cold, it was just perfect.

Our seats :)

Oceans Eleven had a rough start going back home

Precious Sea Star :)

Unfortunately, the Loggerhead turtle (the big one!) Oceans Eleven was realllly hard to get pictures of because so many volunteers were around him. I did get pictures of the two little green sea turtles though, Sea Star and Blue. I really loved watching Blue come out because as soon as he saw the ocean, he started moving his flippers up and down because he was so excited. It was a really, really life changing experience and I am so glad I got to experience with my mom. Although it wasn't perfect, (people were rude, pushing and shoving, standing in the way of pictures etc) it was a memory and day I wouldn't trade for the world.

Here is the website for the Karen Beasley Sea Turtle Hospital, it is really, really cool. I highly recommend checking it out. http://www.seaturtlehospital.org/

To be honest, I've felt sick all day and I mainly think its emotional sickness because my mom went back to Ohio today. I don't know when I'll see her next and that is the absolute worst feeling in the world. I've had to experience that exact same feeling every time Eric left to go back to Japan which was a total of 3 times. But that feeling is 10x worse when it comes to your mother, let me tell you.

I love living in North Carolina, I love the heat and the salty air and my new life down here, however I cannot stand how it takes 45 minutes to an hour to get ANYWHERE. Its a bit ridiculous, considering back home in Ohio...the nearest Target and Mall was 10-15 minutes away from my house so coming down here to this distance nonsense is so FRUSTRATING. I miss home. 

Now before you start saying I TOLD YOU SO BLAH BLAH BLAH, hold your horses. I do not miss Ohio or its psycho bipolar weather, no; I miss my home, my animals, my house, my neighborhood. I miss Kent, my dorm, my friends, campus, the black squirrels. I miss how close everything is and how easy it is to get there, but besides that...I do not miss my old life. I'm still adjusting, Eric and I are still getting used to each other and being "a grown up" sucks a lot. But I'm hanging in there, I just miss my mom...so much.

Its funny, when Eric was overseas for two years...I thought that when I moved away with him I wouldn't feel that pain in my chest, that hole that I couldn't fill. But I still that hole, only this time it doesn't hurt because I'm away from him, it hurts because I'm away from my mother. 

Have you ever loved someone so much that if they weren't in your life somehow, you would just feel empty? 

I have two. 

Landslide

Where did June go?!

So my last blog post was really just a venting session, I didn't write about what anything that has been going in the last few weeks so I figured I would talk about what's been going on.

Earlier in June I went to my second anime convention called Colossalcon in Sandusky, Ohio. It was held at the convention center at Kalahari Resort. It was lots of fun! The water park, convention center and hotel was amazing! My second convention was pretty awesome and I would really like to go back next year for sure, except this time actually stay in the hotel because its just easier. The biggest moment of the convention was the fact I was finally going to meet someone who I had loved and looked up to for 12 years. His name is Vic Mignogna. He is a really famous voice actor in the English anime industry. Vic has voiced several of my favorite anime characters and I've always loved him. Not only does he voice act, but he also sings, writes and produces music. At the con, I got to meet Vic and let me tell you it was one of the most surreal and amazing moments of my life.

I used to be very shy about talking about it, but now that I'm older...I don't mind it, especially if it helps someone else. I was bullied throughout 8th-10th grade, bullied to the point where I tried to kill myself. I had several people try and help me through that horrible time in my life and one of them was Vic. Even though he wasn't there with me in person, his characters and his music was. Every time I felt so horrible, so alone and just so desperate to end it all...I listened to his music. 

Vic was late to his autograph/meet session and I remember waiting in line just nervous, my hands shaking, my heart beating so fast...and then...I heard cheers coming from the hallway. He was here and I couldn't stop grinning. However as he started to set up his table, a lump formed in my throat and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. I couldn't believe that I was actually going to meet him, I was just overwhelmed with emotion it was crazy! And then...it was my turn to see him, I took a deep breath and smiled.

 On June 7th, I told Vic this:"Hi Vic. I was bullied throughout middle school and the beginning of high school. Your voice acting and music helped me through that horrible time in my life and I don't know if I would be here today if it weren't for people like you. You gave me a heart made fullmetal" (A heart made fullmetal is a reference to one of his characters he voices) I just blurted everything out without thinking haha! And I thought to myself, oh my god! He must think I'm crazy or something. But he didn't, he looked at me for a second and then smiled. I noticed his eyes started to tear up and he grabbed me.

Vic hugged me for a good minute and then kissed my cheek, I couldn't believe it. One of my heroes cried for me, showed compassion for me and kissed my cheek. It literally was one of the best moments of my life. I really hope that one day I can see him again because he is the most amazing person, so kind and so nice. 

And I am so glad he liked my present!

I bought a wooden heart, painted it and added some wooden pieces with screws (with the help of my amazing mom!) and tried to make it look like auto mail like the character he voices.

He said he loved it so I'm happy! :)

You can learn more about Vic here :)

Colossalcon was also the first time I cosplayed which was fun. Ever since I was like 10, I wanted to cosplay as Kikyo from Inuyasha and that's who I was! Here are is a picture of myself and some of my other favorite cosplays I saw at the con! 

Me as Kikyo

El Dorado! Tulio & Chel

Yu Yu Hakusho. Kuwabara & Yuusuke

The Little Mermaid! Ursula and Ariel! (s)

Bane from Batman

Captain Jack Sparrow! He had a lovely accent.

An awesome Sora from Kingdom Hearts

Colossalcon was a lot more fun than Ohayocon and I am so glad I went! There were some issues, but nothing is perfect ya know? Plus I got to meet Vic, so overall I am very happy I went. Besides the con, I've been umpiring on and off...however the season's over now so I'm officially done. I'm not sure if I'll continue to umpire when I move, but at least I have 4 years of experience under my belt. 

There has been some drama every now and then with the wedding and several people have tested my mom and I, but besides that...everything has fallen into place for the wedding. It was a bumpy road, I'm not gonna lie: if I could do all over again of course there would be parts of planning I would do over, but nothing is ever perfect right? I'm excited for my wedding and nervous to move. That's another issue I'm dealing with at the moment: moving. I've sorted through my things and put stuff aside I want to take...but I've literally been avoiding packing like the plague. My mom is annoyed at me right now because of it and I understand her annoyance, but at the same time....it's just hitting me now that I'm leaving.

And I am scared and nervous about it. I'll finally be with Eric, but at what cost? Leaving everything I know, my mom, my animals, my home, Ohio...and once again everything I know...will it all be worth it? I have always wanted to be with Eric, I don't doubt that at all. But I am scared of being somewhere completely different. I felt like this when I moved to Kent of course, but being at Kent...I was 30-45 minutes away...not 12 hours and 700 miles away like I will be in North Carolina.

I want to be brave and act like this isn't a big deal or anything, moving is nothing..no problem! But inside I am freaking out! Last week I was in my room, sorting through some stuff and it just hit me...BAM. A voice inside my head said: you are moving. You are leaving behind your mom, your cats, your home, your friends, everything you know. I haven't had a panic attack in awhile so it sucked and I cried like I've never cried before. My emotions are ridiculous right now, uncontrollable. And of course there are STILL certain idiots pissing me off with the wedding, so I am one my last nerve with that too.

I just wish, I could close my eyes and calm myself. Like the ocean...it can be so nasty, so scary, so angry one moment and then the next, calm, quiet and clear. Why can't I do that? 

Either way, I am really hoping I can pull myself together because all this waiting for the past 3 years has come to an end. Time, for once is on my side and apparently fate is kicking at me, finally telling me to start the next chapter of my life. Before I wrap this blog post up I want to make something clear: I'm not afraid of starting my life together or moving away with Eric, I'm scared of myself....scared that I won't be strong enough to hold myself up when he isn't with me. I think it's funny, everyone says that Eric and I will have so much more time together and we will, but not as much as you think. At the end of the day the Marine Corp owns him and the MC can take him away at any time. He still works 5 and (sometimes 6) days a week. So we won't be together all the time...and that's what I'm afraid of, what will I be like when I'm without him, alone. 

I just hope that I'm strong enough. 

5 days till the wedding. 

Breakaway.

I'll be frank: I want to move, I want to move right now. Honestly if I could, I would throw some clothes into a bag, along with a few books and video games and I would catch a plane and just leave. At this moment I don't care, I don't want to have the wedding or anything I just want to leave.

I want to start over and live my own life with Eric. I am so stressed out right now, so angry, so emotional over everything...that I feel like I'm about to break down at something that doesn't even matter. I am at my limit, I'm done with all the toxic people in my life (and trust me there's a lot of them) and I am just done.

There's a quote that has always resonated with me for some reason, its from The Perfect Man starring Hilary Duff. "Okay, l"m through with these people and I want new ones." I always thought it was so sad but now I think I understand what she meant by it. Throughout my entire life I've had friends and than I've had "friends."

I tried the best friend thing where you are with that person 24/7, which blew up in my face. I've been friends with people who have used me and acted like my friend or have just used me to get themselves something or they needed a ride home etc. I've also had people in college, who I've always been there for, always listened to their problems and in the end, they don't care about me or my problems. No one's listened to me or been there for me when I needed it.

Same goes for my family, the people in my family that I felt so close to...have completely changed personality wise and they aren't the same person that I loved so much from before. They criticize me, belittle me and talk about me behind my back. Which I find funny...because don't you people realize if you say something its always going to come back and bite you in the ass? 

I just want to move, somewhere where I have my own space, my own area, my own home. A place where I can be with someone who doesn't constantly bitch at me or complain about me or worse make me not to want to live anymore. Which is what I feel like right now, I am at a point where I am emotional and depressed that I just don't want to deal with this anymore. 

It's funny because...all of the wedding details are coming together and everything is falling into place and I feel like complete shit. 

I hope the next 2 weeks fly by and I hope I feel better soon, maybe not today...but hopefully tomorrow. 

Breakaway

Kent, Home and Chaos.

I haven't written a "real" blog post in a long time because of several reasons; one of them being I was having a hard time putting my thoughts into words (I usually think about what I want to write before I put it into a blog) and two I just haven't felt like writing anything...even though, there has been so much that I've wanted to say.

I'll talk about my departure from Kent first. It was very, very hard for me to leave Kent; I have lived up there in the same room and the same dorm for the past 3 years. Leaving everything around me that I knew so well was harder than I thought it would be. I had an amazing roommate experience this year and met 3 amazing people that I will never forget. I finally took Japanese and even though I got screwed over with the Japan trip, I think about my Japanese class and sensei every day and how much I miss it. Leaving campus with tears in my eyes made me realize how much of an impact that college has had on me. I learned a lot about myself and a lot about other people. The only regret that I have with Kent State is that I wasn't a history major from the beginning and that I didn't take Japanese my first year. I also wanted to study aboard and I missed that opportunity but besides that, I am happy with my time at Kent State.

When I first got home, I was so happy to be home! So happy to see my animals and mom every day! So happy that I had my car and could drive around. And so happy that I didn't have to worry about classes anymore! It was nice...at first. But as I started umpiring again and running around my hometown I started to remember why the the hell I wanted to leave in the first place. Let's review: I hated high school with a passion and with a passion I mean unadulterated loathing. My hometown itself is a nice area, everything is close and its not too crazy busy or crowded. But...the people here SUCK. People are just flat out mean here! My hometown has a lot of the elder community living here and they aren't very nice and frankly I don't want to be around them. Since I'm home again, a lot of the people I graduated with are home too...so when I go to the local supermarket I get to see people who I graduated with. That is something I don't want to do either, yes...that may sound mean but I want absolutely nothing to do with my graduating class. I have certain people who I keep in touch with and other people who I sometimes talk to, but that's it. I am just sick of living here! (NOTE: NOT THE HOUSE I LIVE IN WITH MY PARENTS, THE TOWN I LIVE IN. Mom don't get offended! :P )

Thirdly, the whole bridal shower/wedding planning and the shower and wedding itself is not what I thought it would be. I thought...that planning everything would be so much fun and that on the day of the events, everything would be fine and perfect. But it's not. I swear that god is either mad at me for some reason or is testing me. Certain people are RUINING this whole experience for me, absolutely ruining it. I was really excited for my bridal shower, but things have happened that are turning this supposed to be happy event into a miserable one. I am very upset because there are too many people for both the bridal shower and the wedding, that I cannot invite a lot of my friends because of it. Last time I checked, the bride's side of the family and her friends are supposed to have the most guests...but apparently the wedding isn't supposed to be about the bride right? Um, do you see what is wrong with what I've just said? Read that last sentence again if you need to.

In all honesty, I wish that Eric and I would eloped. My original plan was give like 5k-10k to Disney world and have them plan the wedding. I could of had a nice 20-50 people wedding in Florida where all everything would of been taken care of and all Eric and I would of had to worry about...was showing up.

A lot of people have been saying that a wedding is supposed to be about the bride and groom's families. This is what I think: a wedding should be about the bride and groom, not their families. Because at the end of the day, there is no family in existence that is like the Brady Bunch, no one is perfect. People are mean, ruthless and hateful...and if they don't get their way...they ruin everything for you. My advice for anyone looking to get married in the future: think of YOU and your SIGNIFICANT other...no one else, not even your family.

At the end of the day, I'll have a beautiful wedding and a beautiful memory to share with Eric for the rest of our lives. The planning and waiting for July 6th will probably be absolutely hell and chaos but you know what? I will make it down the aisle with a smile on my face even if I have to beat someone up because I am DONE with the drama and pettiness. The sad part in all of this, is that you don't realize...that I have the memory of an elephant and I won't forget.

And I can promise you, I won't ever, ever forget this. 

I don't care.

719.

Just a small preview of my first home with my hubby! I plan on making my first home beach and Japanese/oriental themed. I can't wait to start thrifting for treasures and make DIY decorations. But for now...this is what we have so far:

Our apartment #...hopefully it'll be okay because 

I think odd #'s are bad luck.

Entryway! Our ottoman that we recovered! It used to be tan brown.

Longer shot of entryway...Eric being Eric.

Our kitchen!

Living area. Obviously needs some work, but we'll get there! 

I plan on making our living room/area and kitchen area an all beachy theme :) Keep in mind that we don't have our TV stand down there yet!

I love my little coffee table!

This area is the sun room! I love this chair and 

I cannot wait to get Noir (my cat) a huge cat tree! He'll love this area.

Our bedroom! I wasn't a big fan of the 4 poster at first 

but now I'm glad we got it :) I plan on making our room all red and black with a Japanese feel to it.

Pretty lamp that Eric's mom gave us. 

Japanese candle sticks and a box that has kanji written inside it. 

I also love this cabinet we got from target even though I'm not sure 

what I am going to with it yet though. Ideas? 

Our hallway :)

Our second bathroom! 

This bathroom is going to be all beachy theme as well :)

Cat decoration outside of our door :)

Keep in mind that our bedroom bathroom isn't pictured, along with our second bedroom because there isn't anything in it yet! Haha :) I'm very excited to fully move into our first home together and start over again.

I can't wait to decorate it more too!

                                    

                                                  Stay tuned! ;)

Ready.

Can you believe that April is almost over! My 3rd year at Kent State is coming to an end and after 3 years of living in the dorms and in the same room, I won't be coming back for awhile. I'll be taking a year of online classes once I move to North Carolina, which isn't a big deal considering I need 37 credit hours to complete my major. Plus, I really don't know what to do with my major; last fall I thought I wanted to come back as a graduate student and teach in the history department...but I'm not so sure anymore. Japanese also has a lot of opportunities waiting in the wings for me potentially too. So right now I'm not really hyper focused on graduating on time. It took me 2 years to pass math sadly so either way it was going to take me a little longer to get my diploma. Hopefully I'll figure out what I want to do career wise this coming year, but who knows!

All I can say is: I am so freaking ready to get off this campus and move back home. I love Kent with all my heart and soul, but it's time. I need my own space again and I just need to get the heck off this campus. There are so many people here and sometimes its just too much for me. Since graduating high school, I've become very introverted and big groups of people are just too loud and annoying. I'm ready for school to be over, all of the work and quizzes are just dragging on. The weather has been so pretty that all I want to do is just lay out somewhere and fall asleep, like really it's too nice out to be in class.

But most of all...I am ready to renew my vows with my husband and move.

I am so excited to have my own home, my own space and my own family. I have literally been watching HGTV almost every day getting ideas for our apartment! My mom and I have been thrifting items for our new place and it's been such a fun experience! Most of our stuff is going to be used/thrifted which is fine by me! I absolutely love taking something and making it your own! However, Eric, my mom and I are planning to take an IKEA trip in the future, so we'll have some "new" furniture. Here is some of the pieces we've been thrifting and collecting, gotta love a good thrift run!

The stools I am going to paint white and re-fabric the seats! The TV stand below matches the stools with its bamboo look, so I'm also going to paint it white to match. The apartment we have has a lot of beachy colors so we are playing off that :)

I cannot wait to move! I know that I will miss Kent, my family, friends, animals and life that I've gotten so used to here in Ohio....but I am ready to be with my husband. I am ready to start my own life and I am just ready to go.

75 days till I move!

High School Part II

So last weekend my mom was going to North Carolina to give my husband our car and I surprised him by going with her. He had no idea I was coming and even though the 12 hour drive lasted forever, the look on his face was absolutely priceless and it was so worth it. I love the south! North Carolina is my future home and I am so excited to be moving down there in July. We got a lot done down there too during my visit! I got my military ID and some other paperwork done, but most of all we looked for a place to live!

Eric found an apartment called the Quarters that is exactly 2 miles from his work and 5 miles from the beach. We wanted a 2 bedroom/2 bath and the Quarters was absolutely perfect! Beautiful apartments that comes with everything we want: a pool, workout room, game room, lounge and its just perfect. It's a great first home for us and when I came back to Ohio I caught myself counting the months till I move. Most of all, I'm just happy that I'll be with Eric....finally, the only thing that will separate us is his work which isn't bad at all! :)

I'm so excited, so, sooooo excited. Did I mention we are going to be 5 miles away from the beach? Jealous much? ;)

Haha! Here are some of my favorite pictures:

So, even though my trip with Eric and my mother was quite fabulous...it isn't the only reason I am writing this blog.

Most people close to me know that I hated high school with a passion. High school was the worst 4 years of my life and I have very few fond memories of high school. Actually, I was so bullied my freshman year that I was very, very close to killing myself. And if it wasn't for a certain teacher, I might not be here today.

Now...I thought that once I left high school..there would be no more politics! I thought college would be a complete breeze with clubs, classes and other programs and that there would be no drama anymore.

Boy was I a dumb ass.

Since last fall, I've been taking Elementary Japanese and I am so glad that I did. It's hard at times, but let me tell you..finally being able to do and learn something you love so much...is one of the best feelings in the world. I work my butt off in that class, I always go to class unless I feel like I'm dying(its 5 days a week at 8:50-9:40AM), my homework is always done, I memorize and translate vocab weeks in advance, I participate in class often and I go to tutoring for 2 hours once a week. And for once, I am actually am one of the students at the top grade wise in that class. I love Japan and I have loved Japan for 17 years, so I do whatever it takes to be good at it.

On March 7th, the head sensei and director of the Japanese major/minor came into class and announced that she was taking 23 students to Tokyo and Kyoto Japan in May for 11 days...all expenses paid. My mouth, literally dropped to the floor...was she lying? Was it a joke? No, it wasn't! All we had to pay for was transportation to the airport and spending money. I felt like I could grow wings and fly away into the sky at that moment.

So I applied and made the shortlist. Which lead to a interview and she asked what my personality was like, how important was Japanese to me, what my GPA was, what 3 places did I want to visit...etc etc. A few days later, I got a rejection e-mail saying I wasn't picked for the trip and this e-mail came when I was with Eric last Saturday and thank god I was with him because...if I wasn't I don't know what I would of done.

First, I was heartbroken. Crying my eyes out and asking why? What did I do wrong? Did she not like my answers to her questions? Was my GPA not good enough? And the same question kept repeating over and over in my mind: what did I do wrong? When I got back to Kent, I found out that...the people that were chosen weren't chosen because of how they did in class, their attendance, their grades...apparently they were chosen because the head sensei chose people she just liked. She didn't care about attendance, grades, participation or how passionate you were about Japanese...none of that mattered.

I felt like a fool, I told her how much I wanted this and how much I loved Japan..and it meant nothing. And you know what? Two people were chosen in my class and one of them, has literally not been there the entire semester. If I would of known that she was asking people to go Japan just based on their personalities...I would of never tried to go on the trip in the first place.

And just like that...I was back in high school where I played two sports and hardly got to play and was treated badly because both coaches didn't like me. It wasn't the fact that I was good or bad at the sport...it was the fact that they didn't like me personally. And then I was back in the choir room my senior year, not singing a solo because the choir director didn't like sopranos and didn't like me personally once again.

I was stupid and naive to think that all the drama, all the politics would end after high school. But, at least I learned a lesson out of this mess. Even though I was hurting and was absolutely heartbroken last weekend...every day that goes by, the hurt goes away little by little. This event, this betrayal made me actually really happy about my decision moving to North Carolina to live with Eric. I'll be taking online classes and I won't have to deal with anymore of this politics bullshit. Well, at least I won't be dealing with anymore school politics, I'll probably be dealing with marine politics. Haha!

And Japan, I'll see you when I see you. Know this, maybe not now or next year or maybe not even the next year after that...I will eventually see you Japan and I can't wait for the day.

私はあきらめない!

I won't give up.

:)

Don't Stop Believing