Breakaway.

I'll be frank: I want to move, I want to move right now. Honestly if I could, I would throw some clothes into a bag, along with a few books and video games and I would catch a plane and just leave. At this moment I don't care, I don't want to have the wedding or anything I just want to leave.

I want to start over and live my own life with Eric. I am so stressed out right now, so angry, so emotional over everything...that I feel like I'm about to break down at something that doesn't even matter. I am at my limit, I'm done with all the toxic people in my life (and trust me there's a lot of them) and I am just done.

There's a quote that has always resonated with me for some reason, its from The Perfect Man starring Hilary Duff. "Okay, l"m through with these people and I want new ones." I always thought it was so sad but now I think I understand what she meant by it. Throughout my entire life I've had friends and than I've had "friends."

I tried the best friend thing where you are with that person 24/7, which blew up in my face. I've been friends with people who have used me and acted like my friend or have just used me to get themselves something or they needed a ride home etc. I've also had people in college, who I've always been there for, always listened to their problems and in the end, they don't care about me or my problems. No one's listened to me or been there for me when I needed it.

Same goes for my family, the people in my family that I felt so close to...have completely changed personality wise and they aren't the same person that I loved so much from before. They criticize me, belittle me and talk about me behind my back. Which I find funny...because don't you people realize if you say something its always going to come back and bite you in the ass? 

I just want to move, somewhere where I have my own space, my own area, my own home. A place where I can be with someone who doesn't constantly bitch at me or complain about me or worse make me not to want to live anymore. Which is what I feel like right now, I am at a point where I am emotional and depressed that I just don't want to deal with this anymore. 

It's funny because...all of the wedding details are coming together and everything is falling into place and I feel like complete shit. 

I hope the next 2 weeks fly by and I hope I feel better soon, maybe not today...but hopefully tomorrow. 

Breakaway