I can't wait for Spring Break.

I am sick of Kent, like I love Kent..I love living here, I love my room and dorm..but last night was just the last straw for me. Now, there are only a few things that can drive me nuts or really, really make me mad. One of those things, is messing with my sleep. First of all, I can hardly sleep here anyway, I never (since I was a freshman) had a good night's sleep up here because my guard (due to my anxiety) is up 24/7 here. I can't really full relax because of that which leads to me hardly getting any sleep. Since I've started dieting and working out (I love my boot camp class by the way!) I've been trying to go to sleep early because one, I found out you'll have more energy if you sleep more. It also helps with  your weight loss, stress and over all mental health..so I've been trying to get to sleep early. Last night, I went to bed last night at 10 and 5 minutes later...my room was shaking with the blasting of idiotic rap music from the boys next door.

My floor made rules at the beginning of the semester...quiet hours start at 10 PM, which means..no talking loudly, no yelling and no blasting music at that time. They completely ignored that, you know..I don't mind if you blast your music, but if you mess with my sleep and on top of that..be major rude to me. I will not tolerate it. I've tried throughout the semester to talk these boys, knock on their door, say.."Hey! Could you mind turning your music down please?" they didn't even have the decency to open their door. So what do they do? They blast their music louder. I was up, 3 more hours because of these morons. Like really, we aren't in high school anymore, we are in college. And last time I checked, your parents and mine didn't spend thousands and thousands of dollars to come here, blast your music and "party". Grow up.

I'm just really worn out with school! 18 days and I'll be on Spring Break, I'm hoping to travel with my dad somewhere but if not, I'll be back to be at home redoing and painting my room. I just need out of here for awhile, I need a break. On top of the "dorm drama" I've had to deal with family stuff too. My Grammy had to have hip replacement surgery and I couldn't be there for it which really upset me. But, in the end she's okay and back home recovering so I'm happy for that.

Its just a lot to deal with right now and I guess this is what they call growing up and I am slowly but surely learning how to deal with it. I just can't wait for March 16th.

Valentine's Day.

I used to hate Valentine's Day, esp. when I was in middle and high school..because I was never one of the pretty girls, most guys didn't spare me a glance or any attention. However there was always one person who made me smile and that was my mom. I remember one year she got me this huge basket full of candy and just little knick knacks. That gesture meant so much to me, I'll remember it forever.

As I got older I realized that even though Valentine's Day is really a hallmark holiday, its a day that lets you show love for someone. It doesn't matter who, your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, wife etc...its not all about lovey dovey stuff. Valentine's Day to me is so much more than that, its a day to show someone, no matter who that you love them. And for 15 years, my valentine was my mom and when I was sad that I didn't have a boy who wanted to be my Valentine, I had her. That will always mean the absolute world to me.

I really missed Eric today, we've hardly got to talk and when we do get to talk its short and I always want more time to talk to him. I'm just glad he's okay and enjoying Thailand, I hope we get get to talk soon. Overall though today was a good day though! I started my workout class, boot camp today and it went great!

It felt so good to run and stretch again, even though I am sore and I'm probably going to be hurting for a bit, I am so glad to be working out again and I can't wait to get stronger and stronger.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone! One day I'll be able to spend it with you again Eric.

& I threw us into the flames..

First of all, let me recap my weekend real quick: my entire family was home, together for once! My dad was home from Wis. and it was really nice just to have all 3 of us together again. Saturday my mom, Lisa (my wedding planner ^^) and her daughter, Maddie went with us to an open house for weddings and such at Occasions Party Centre. I'm really glad we did we went and checked out things. I was kind of sad that the place wasn't as big as I thought it would be, because with the way things are looking...I'm going to have a big or at least medium sized wedding. If we booked our reception there it would be way too crowded and I don't want my family and friends to be crowded. However, I do believe I've found my photographer and DJ, so thats exciting!

But why am I writing this blog entry? Its been bothering me for a very long time and I really just need to write about it I think. In late October/early November people that were close to me, just stopped talking to me, stop trying to contact me, keep in touch etc etc...for no reason. And frankly, I am done trying. I am always the one trying to keep in contact with people, trying to make plans, asking how things are etc etc..

Well I am done, sticking my neck out for people. Done trying so hard with people.

I really try to be a good and caring friend, I've swallowed my pride so many times, bit my tongue and just went with it. I always try to be there for people even there has been absolutely no one there for me, none, zero. I'm not doing it anymore, I'm going to focus on myself, school work, wedding plans and losing weight. Maybe it sounds like I'm burning bridges, who knows...people change and its been 2 years since I've graduated and I think its really sad that some of my "friends" haven't grown up.

I'm tired of trying so hard with people and getting absolutely nowhere. For now I am going to focus on myself for once. But I am done trying with certain people, so if you want to be my "friend" you come to me for once and talk to me.

There are better days than this.

I think when you are going a "rough patch" or a few weeks where you struggle, you lose sight of everything and start doubting in everything, esp. yourself. I've been having a few rough weeks, I'm struggling with my math and science classes. Its very frustrating because the stuff we've been learning, I've never seen this stuff before because Norton High School did not, I repeat DID NOT prepare me for college at all. To any parent that is a friend of mine and has children in that school district: get your kid (children) out now, because years later you will regret it.

The most frustrating for me though is math, I try so hard and 98% of the time I just don't get anywhere. It doesn't help that the math program at Kent now is on all computers, there is absolutely no teacher interaction, its all on computer and for someone like me who is very visual and such, its really hard. But I'm getting help and we'll see what happens in the next few weeks, I'm hoping for the best and I will give it my all.

I've hardly talked to Eric too which has been very, very hard on me. When he was in AZ I got so used to talking to him, texting him and now we have very little communication. I think I forgot he was a marine at one point while he was in the states, I need to remember that and remember that he has no control over anything he does. I just wish he was in the states, everything would be so much easier.

I just need to remember that things won't always be like this, things will be better and there are better days ahead. Right now I'm just stuck in the middle, just like the Jimmy Eat World song :)


It just takes some time
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything will be alright, alright

Look at how far we've come.

Today is Eric & mine's 4 year anniversary, I can't believe that we've been together for 4 years. Its absolutely insane, that first year is a complete blur, a happy, crazy blur. To me, looking back at those first few months I think of the Notebook and how Noah and Allie fought, broke up, got back together, fought, broke up, repeat over and over. But you know, it was worth it.

There were probably 2 other guys I liked in high school and frankly, looking back I think to myself..What the heck was I thinking? They were stuck up, self centered, conceited jerks and to make it even funnier, they  were  both in choir. I was so silly, head over heels for these fools. At one point I thought I even loved one of them, haha. So silly! But during my sophomore year on this day 4 years ago, the only guy who saw me when I was considered invisible asked me out. My first major boyfriend and my last.

I wouldn't change anything though, I'm glad I found Eric when I was 16, I'm glad we fought when we did, broke up when we did because...it made us stronger, made our relationship stronger. Everyone has issues and Eric & I got ours out of the way early. Even now, if Eric and I fight...we both (esp.him) get over it quickly, because its stupid to fight with someone you care about, really it is. Our relationship is at the point where we love each other so much that it we get each other, we make mistakes but we also forgive each other. We really don't fight either, its more like silly arguments that end up with us laughing at each other.

I'm really happy right now, I may be alone today but we'll be able to celebrate our anniversary together again someday. I'm just so thankful I have my someone just for me and I really can't wait to start our lives together.

Happy Anniversary Eric, I love you.

I love February.

I used to hate February actually, before I met Eric. I hated it mainly because Valentine's Day and all the snow we usually get. But February is actually one of my favorite months now! I love Valentine's Day too, but I'm not going to write about V-day just yet...saving that for the 14th! Anyway!

I met Eric four years ago yesterday at Winter Formal and I remember that night so well. I was sad over not having a date and I really didn't have anyone to slow dance with and he came out of nowhere wanting to talk and dance. I didn't want anything to do with him! Considering he was someone else's date and he was cute, but a little too old for me. I was 16 and he was 19 at the time, back then 3 years was a huge difference esp. to my parents, mainly my dad I think. 4 days later he came over, was threatened in graphic detail from my father and he asked me out. Our four year anniversary is on Monday and I am SO excited. I can't wait to celebrate!

He's Thailand right now, jumping and doing crazy recon marine things. I wish we could celebrate together but I am just thankful and even proud that our relationship has gone through so much and its crazy to think thats it been 4 years! It makes me so happy! :)

This weekend is going to be good too! Getting my hair & eyebrows done, relaxing at home with my mom and animals. The only bad thing is that I have 3 weeks of midterms to study for, so it'll be kind of annoying but my first two midterms are on History so its not that bad!

I think its going to be a good month~