I have been sick since Mamaw's calling hours, so it'll be a week tomorrow. I think everything just caught up with me in the end; the running around, the emotions, the realization that she is really gone and the stress of school just beat me at the end of the day. Calling hours and the funeral went well, Mamaw had an amazing send off with her family and friends and of course, by veterans who folded a flag for her and shot guns into the air at her grave for her service in the air force. I went back to Kent Tuesday night and let me tell you, it was very weird.
It was nice being back because I do love Kent, but...I felt so out of place. I felt weird, uncomfortable and restless. And I just didn't want to be there, it was a very weird feeling. My doctor said it was all normal and that it took time but it would pass.
Sorry doc, but I am having a hard time believing ya.
I still weird, its better that I'm home and around my parents...but...the weird feeling is still there. I guess you could call it mourning. I still can't believe she's gone, ya know?
I'm just trying to take one day at a time, but its hard because I want to look forward. Eric's two year deployment in Japan is getting closer and closer to be over, but it just seems so far away. And I wish he was home, I wish we could celebrate together.
I miss my mamaw, I miss him and I just wish things were easier.
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