Nobody said it would be easy..

You know that song from Coldplay? The Scientist? I've been listening to it a lot because its very comforting to me. Most people think the song is about a break up but I think to me it means something more.

My mamaw died 3 days ago, October 10, 2012 peacefully in her sleep.

She was very sick and fought so many years of her life trying to stay healthy but in the end she was just tired. She even told me herself she was tired and that "she was ready to go see Jesus." Which was funny because 3 years ago her son, my father said the exact same thing after he came home after his heart surgery.

I'm glad she's not suffering anymore, but I don't know what to feel or how to feel.

One minute...I'm fine, the next I'm mad...angry at everyone. The minute after that I'm crying and upset and then I'm calm and fine the minute after last. Who knows if that's normal but my emotions are all over the place right now.

I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to be around anyone, I don't want to worry about school or anything...I just want to mourn. Some place quiet with no one around where I can curl up in a blanket and just mourn with no one to bother me.

I miss and love you Mamaw, I wish things could of been different the past few years but I'm glad we had the last few weeks together.

Nobody said it would be easy, nobody said it would be this hard...

The Scientist Glee cover