I'll be honest, I've been having a really bad week since Saturday. Ever since this crazy weather has been going from cold to warm, warm to cold...back and forth its been making me sick. My allergies have going nuts and I just haven't been feeling well. Its mainly my head, my nose and my entire body is really hurting. But the main struggle I'm having is sleeping, I'm too hot then too cold and it flip flops back and forth, then I can't sleep and I'm exhausted the next day.
Last night I couldn't sleep and so I thought I would call Eric. I reach over to my phone to call him and then I stop, realizing that I can't call him and that really upset me. I tossed and turned the rest of the night. I woke up this morning feeling so out of it, so tired and my body still ached. Usually I like Tuesday mornings because I have my first history class of the week and I knew we were supposed to start discussing the American Revolution (one of my favorites.) I should of been excited! Interested! But I wasn't, I just sat there taking notes like a zombie really not engrossed into the lecture like I usually am.
Eric and I have have hardly talked, he keeps falling asleep on me and I'm not mad that he does, because he does need the sleep! Besides, Japan and Ohio have a 14 hour time difference..its 3:33 PM here but its 5:55 AM there..its just frustrating because we can never finish a conversation. And well...I'm lonely. But here's the thing: I'm alone, but I don't want to be around anyone...but at the same time..I don't want to be alone, makes complete sense right? lol, not!
Days like today make me just want to not do anything, they make me want to be sad and down and just blah. Its frustrating (again!) because I've been so happy lately! I've been really working on myself to a point where I can be happy even though everything in my life isn't exactly the way I want it to be. I miss Eric, I miss him so much that last night I swear my heart hurt. It doesn't help that I feel sick or hopeless right now but you know..the oddest thing happened here..
The Sun is out and it is January 31st. It isn't just a regular sun either, its a pretty, pure, bright sun...like a summer sun. I don't know about you, but I believe in signs. The cold isn't going to last forever, the sun will (and it has!) come out again. Today might not be so good but tomorrow could be!
I'm just in a rough patch right now I think, adjusting to him being halfway across the world and my allergies adjusting to psycho Ohio/making me sick. I just gotta remember that the sun will come out again, just like it has today.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
I don't know.
I was having a good day, classes went well, tutoring well okay and I had an awesome dinner date Brenna. But after that..things just went wrong. I'm really tired, my back hurts (on Mondays & Wednesdays I have to carry like 3 books, 20 pounds or so) and I just feel so out of it.
I don't want to do anything and I just feel so weird.
I don't want to do anything and I just feel so weird.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Whiteout.
Yesterday made me pretty sick. I wasn't feeling well all week due to all the stupid weather changes but Saturday made me feel worse. I cried so much yesterday that my eyes literally hurt, something I've never experienced before. Eric is in back Japan, I'm just so very happy that his flight went well and that he is safe and well. He goes to Thailand Wednesday and we'll be able to talk off and on since they have WiFi there.
Today the plan was for my mother and I to go to Target to get a few things and then go straight to Kent from there. Before we walked into Target...there was no snow on the ground, no wet, no slush..nothing. We were in that store for literally 20 minutes and after we out..it was a full out blizzard. Like you literally couldn't see two inches in front of your face, it was ridiculous. I really don't like snow unless its around Christmas time or for snow days..but considering it hasn't snowed for either of those, I don't care for snow. In fact I absolute detest snow and the cold. I loathe it.
Because of that we had to go back to our house and stay there, which put us behind 2 hours. I was really mad because I had a whole bunch of stuff to do when I got back to the dorm! So I was pretty mad, however I realized that with the way my life is...I need to be flexible. My life is crazy and sometimes hectic and I need to do deal with it plain and simple. But really, I can't wait to get out of this state..today's weather determined me more than ever to get out of here.
Today the plan was for my mother and I to go to Target to get a few things and then go straight to Kent from there. Before we walked into Target...there was no snow on the ground, no wet, no slush..nothing. We were in that store for literally 20 minutes and after we out..it was a full out blizzard. Like you literally couldn't see two inches in front of your face, it was ridiculous. I really don't like snow unless its around Christmas time or for snow days..but considering it hasn't snowed for either of those, I don't care for snow. In fact I absolute detest snow and the cold. I loathe it.
Because of that we had to go back to our house and stay there, which put us behind 2 hours. I was really mad because I had a whole bunch of stuff to do when I got back to the dorm! So I was pretty mad, however I realized that with the way my life is...I need to be flexible. My life is crazy and sometimes hectic and I need to do deal with it plain and simple. But really, I can't wait to get out of this state..today's weather determined me more than ever to get out of here.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
See you soon~
I feel like a part of me has been ripped out, stepped on & torn to shreds. I didn't think it would be so hard, considering he's not even here...to send him off back to Japan. I hate saying goodbye to anyone I care about with in general. But with Eric, I can hardly stand it. It makes me sick & all I want to do right now is crawl into a ball.
Who knows when we'll see each other again, I really wish I could go to Japan & see him but its been made clear to me thats not an option. Its way too much money anyway, but I still wish I could. Apparently he's supposed to get leave in the summer, sometime in June but I know better with the Marine Corp...they always lie. All branches of the military lie.
I wish I could be with him, I wish I could go to Japan with him & I just wish we could be together..thats all I freaking want. But sadly, my time is Kent's & his time is with the marines right now. I have a lot to keep me busy, school, midterms, dorm events, wedding plan, my diet starts soon...I'll be fine. It just hurts right now & I'll be sad for a bit, but I'll get over it. I just hate that we can't contact each other via phone.
See you soon Eric, I'm always missing you.
Who knows when we'll see each other again, I really wish I could go to Japan & see him but its been made clear to me thats not an option. Its way too much money anyway, but I still wish I could. Apparently he's supposed to get leave in the summer, sometime in June but I know better with the Marine Corp...they always lie. All branches of the military lie.
I wish I could be with him, I wish I could go to Japan with him & I just wish we could be together..thats all I freaking want. But sadly, my time is Kent's & his time is with the marines right now. I have a lot to keep me busy, school, midterms, dorm events, wedding plan, my diet starts soon...I'll be fine. It just hurts right now & I'll be sad for a bit, but I'll get over it. I just hate that we can't contact each other via phone.
See you soon Eric, I'm always missing you.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Last Day in the states
I've been wanting to start a blog for so long, but I made a tumblr instead writing more about things on there..but its mostly pictures & such..so I just decided to write a blog mainly on my life, updating family & friends on whats going on. I also wanted to start a blog because I have a year left dealing with Eric in Japan & I like it would be pretty neat to look back once its all over. So here I go:
School has been going well, I like my classes & most of my professors. Its a much better semester than last, I feel so much more comfortable with everything too. & I am glad that I changed my major, it was for the better in the end. I live alone again (thank god psycho moved out!) & I'm glad I do. Sometimes it gets lonely but overall its not that bad! I had my first midterm today (who has a midterm 2 weeks into the semester? like really?) & I have my other midterms for my history classes coming up in February. I'm really excited for February.
Tomorrow is going to be very hard for me, I think. Eric has been in the states since December 21st & its been so surreal! Spending Christmas & New Years with was him was just amazing, it was great to have him home! Even after he left I got the opportunity to visit him in Arizona & that was probably one of the most amazing experiences I ever had; not only that because I got to see Eric & just be with each other, but because Arizona was amazing, one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I am so thankful that I got to spend a few more time with him and travel, so, so so thankful! But tomorrow, Eric goes back to Asia, back to Japan for another 12 months which means...
No texting, no good morning texts, no random silly texts, no phone calls, no goodnight phone calls, no more singing to each other on the phone. & that sucks. Yes, phones don't work in Japan..our only communication is facebook & skype, which most of the time...doesn't work because the internet over there is horrible. We also won't be able to play world of warcraft together anymore which really makes me sad, its something we did together when we were apart in the states, it kept us connected you know? So its hard to let go of all of that.
I really hate that we have to be apart from each other, the sad thing though? I'm used to it & I just wish we could be together, married, away wherever he is stationed, happy & living our lives. I envy all the wives that I used to be close to that got married right after their husband's training, moved away with them & are just so happy. I think its funny though to hear them complaining about something & to me its like...do you not know how LUCKY are to be with your man? Yes the marine corp mainly has him for the majority of his time but you are still there with him aren't you? I would kill to be in your shoes, really.
I love college & I love Kent, but I rather be with Eric. I don't belong here, in this cold, bipolar and boring state. There is nothing here for me, the major that I am in, once I finish school...there are no jobs here for me, Ohio has nothing. The only thing that would make me want to come back here is my parents, my cats, my dogs, some friends & some other members of my family. I've always wanted to get married, maybe not so young but I know thats what I always wanted.
Maybe its because my mama & my grammy raised me with Disney & fairytales, but thats what I always wanted...to meet my prince & ride off in the sunset, lol. But growing up, esp. in high school I realized, fairytales aren't real, but you know...you can make your own fairytale & I plan on making mine with Eric. I may be young, but I know what I want. When I tell people I'm engaged & they look at me funny, I laugh because I know what they are thinking "Getting married at 21? Is she insane? That won't last long!"
You are wrong. Every single one of you that doubt me.
I love Eric, I've loved Eric from the very beginning & I will love him till the day I die. We've been through a lot, literally to hell & back. The first year in Japan almost torn us apart, in all honesty it did. But we made it through, its changed both of us (for the better!) & made us both stronger. Every time I see a hint of doubt when I tell people I'm engaged, I think of the Notebook, I think of what Allie said to her mother. "You don't look at daddy like the way I look at Noah! You don't laugh, you don't play, you don't even love each other!" I've seen several older couples like this, years older than me and even a few years older than me. I'm not making a mistake, I don't see Eric for months & I still feel the same about him. He gives me butterflies, he makes me laugh & drives me nuts. But I wouldn't have it any other way, he's the guy for me. Always has been.
Enough of the mushy stuff :3 I can't wait to go home, hug my mom, make a fire, cuddle with my animals, relax & play world of warcraft with my man & just enjoy his last day in the states. In the end, I know all this distance will be worth it.
We'll be okay.
School has been going well, I like my classes & most of my professors. Its a much better semester than last, I feel so much more comfortable with everything too. & I am glad that I changed my major, it was for the better in the end. I live alone again (thank god psycho moved out!) & I'm glad I do. Sometimes it gets lonely but overall its not that bad! I had my first midterm today (who has a midterm 2 weeks into the semester? like really?) & I have my other midterms for my history classes coming up in February. I'm really excited for February.
Tomorrow is going to be very hard for me, I think. Eric has been in the states since December 21st & its been so surreal! Spending Christmas & New Years with was him was just amazing, it was great to have him home! Even after he left I got the opportunity to visit him in Arizona & that was probably one of the most amazing experiences I ever had; not only that because I got to see Eric & just be with each other, but because Arizona was amazing, one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. I am so thankful that I got to spend a few more time with him and travel, so, so so thankful! But tomorrow, Eric goes back to Asia, back to Japan for another 12 months which means...
No texting, no good morning texts, no random silly texts, no phone calls, no goodnight phone calls, no more singing to each other on the phone. & that sucks. Yes, phones don't work in Japan..our only communication is facebook & skype, which most of the time...doesn't work because the internet over there is horrible. We also won't be able to play world of warcraft together anymore which really makes me sad, its something we did together when we were apart in the states, it kept us connected you know? So its hard to let go of all of that.
I really hate that we have to be apart from each other, the sad thing though? I'm used to it & I just wish we could be together, married, away wherever he is stationed, happy & living our lives. I envy all the wives that I used to be close to that got married right after their husband's training, moved away with them & are just so happy. I think its funny though to hear them complaining about something & to me its like...do you not know how LUCKY are to be with your man? Yes the marine corp mainly has him for the majority of his time but you are still there with him aren't you? I would kill to be in your shoes, really.
I love college & I love Kent, but I rather be with Eric. I don't belong here, in this cold, bipolar and boring state. There is nothing here for me, the major that I am in, once I finish school...there are no jobs here for me, Ohio has nothing. The only thing that would make me want to come back here is my parents, my cats, my dogs, some friends & some other members of my family. I've always wanted to get married, maybe not so young but I know thats what I always wanted.
Maybe its because my mama & my grammy raised me with Disney & fairytales, but thats what I always wanted...to meet my prince & ride off in the sunset, lol. But growing up, esp. in high school I realized, fairytales aren't real, but you know...you can make your own fairytale & I plan on making mine with Eric. I may be young, but I know what I want. When I tell people I'm engaged & they look at me funny, I laugh because I know what they are thinking "Getting married at 21? Is she insane? That won't last long!"
You are wrong. Every single one of you that doubt me.
I love Eric, I've loved Eric from the very beginning & I will love him till the day I die. We've been through a lot, literally to hell & back. The first year in Japan almost torn us apart, in all honesty it did. But we made it through, its changed both of us (for the better!) & made us both stronger. Every time I see a hint of doubt when I tell people I'm engaged, I think of the Notebook, I think of what Allie said to her mother. "You don't look at daddy like the way I look at Noah! You don't laugh, you don't play, you don't even love each other!" I've seen several older couples like this, years older than me and even a few years older than me. I'm not making a mistake, I don't see Eric for months & I still feel the same about him. He gives me butterflies, he makes me laugh & drives me nuts. But I wouldn't have it any other way, he's the guy for me. Always has been.
Enough of the mushy stuff :3 I can't wait to go home, hug my mom, make a fire, cuddle with my animals, relax & play world of warcraft with my man & just enjoy his last day in the states. In the end, I know all this distance will be worth it.
We'll be okay.
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