Changing & Comparing.

First of all, I've had an amazing Spring Break. Either global warming is real or God decided to let some warmth come to Ohio, who knows! Either way, I'm really happy and thankful for the past 9 days. I really needed to come home, hug my animals, hangout with my mom and just relax. You know, I have been stressed out for the past few months that when I came home on Friday...everything caught up to me. I literally slept for 3 days it felt like! And this whole week I've felt like a zombie, which isn't a good feeling lol. But even with that, I've had a lovely week. I hung out with Brenna Wednesday which was nice, I love her to death :) the rest of the week my mom and I just focused on Spring cleaning and my room. We've gotten a lot done! I'm going to be really sad to leave tomorrow but at the same time, I'm ready to finish up with this semester. 5 weeks Monday!

Eric left for ship a week ago, two weeks tomorrow and he originally told me that he'll be on ship for like 2 weeks and that he would contact me soon. Well, the first week I was like, no problem! He'll call me soon, no worries! However after looking on the ship's facebook page its clear that its going to be longer than two weeks and I just wish I could talk to him. I know he has to be busy though, otherwise he would of tried to contact me. I do miss him a lot but he's on a ship so he can't get into too much trouble right? I have so many things to tell him about Spring Break, wedding planning and I just can't wait to talk to him.

Which brings me to the point of writing this blog. When I joined facebook it was the beginning of the summer when I just became a junior I believe. And I wrote status after status, stupid status' about what I was doing and complaining etc. Like, I would write a status about how I was going to sleep. What the heck? lol! Now once I was forced into a timeline, I looked back at what I used to write and I was shocked. I was such a whiny brat, like really. Its kinda funny though, looking back to seeing how I am now, I'm not the same person that I used to be and I am glad that I'm not.

Now, when I started dating Eric I wrote status' counting down when I would see him, how much I missed him...over and over again. Like, that was so unnecessary. Status' about 74, 73 days...every day again and again. No matter how much you miss someone, posting status' repeatedly of how much you miss them or how hard your relationship is...doesn't make up for the fact that you are in a long distance relationship. I don't know if you are trying to show off or if you think your relationship is better than everyone else's, but you need to stop. Its annoying. You and your significant other are a part from each other and deal with the military so apparently that makes you better than everyone else? No it doesn't.

What frustrates me the most though, is the fact that your husband is stationed in the states. Yes, Hawaii is a part of the states you know and yes, you deal with a 6 hour time difference. But guess what? I deal with a 12-14 (depends on the time change.) time difference and I am lucky if I get to talk to Eric for 20 minutes on a daily basis. Do you see me freaking out and publicly displaying my annoyances on facebook when I don't get to talk to Eric enough? No.

So do me a favor, keep your relationship to yourself and not on facebook. And please, PLEASE don't compare your relationship to others, especially mine. Compared to what I go through, yours isn't as bad as you think it is.

Sweet Spring Break!

Finally on Spring Break! I'm so glad to be away from Kent for awhile, don't get me wrong..I love Kent and all, but I needed to get away for awhile. I got such a warm welcome from all my animals too and esp. when I saw my mom when she came to pick me up. It made me really realize how hard its going to be when I move with Eric once we get married.

Speaking of Eric, I haven't heard from him since Sunday which kinda sucks. I'm not worried or anything considering I know he's on ship so I know he must be busy and have limited contact. I do miss him though, I hope he's okay, doing his best.

I'm hanging in there and I am hoping to have a good Spring Break. We'll see how this week goes :)

Where is my mind?

My head hurts really badly and its probably because of  Ohio being bipolar, like always. I really cannot stand this state. Anyway...

You know that song by the Pixies, where is my mind? Its on the soundtrack from Fight Club and Sucker Punch, however I like this version http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZMrp8yDM78 better because its a duet. I've been listening to it a lot and I just feel like it just fits how I feel right now. I've been studying for midterms, going to tutoring for math and writing endless papers. In the middle of all of it, my thoughts seem to just drift from what I'm doing and I just feel so out of it.

And then there's Eric of course. He's not getting leave in June so I doubt I'll see him, if I do see him it'll be in December and I'm not going to get my hopes up for that either. There are days when I am fine, completely happy, stressed but fine. And there are days like today when I just want ache, I feel horrible and I just miss him so much that it feels like my heart is going to burst. I had such high hopes for June...he was going to come home, we were going to get Engagement pictures done, maybe go to the beach together. Now I'm going to spend the summer once again without him. I miss him so much and it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach that I'm not going to see him till December.

I'm trying to lose weight and its so hard, so hard. Its frustrating because I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror half the time and since I'm so stressed all I want to do is eat. I'm trying so hard with everything, school, midterms, being away from home, keeping my sanity, dealing with this distance/hardly talking to Eric. Sometimes I feel like its all too much for me sometimes, like right now I feel so overwhelmed. My thoughts are all over the place and I am shocked that I can even write this right now.

I wish my head would stop hurting so I could finish this paper.

From bad to worse.

So I haven't posted about Eric for awhile and things have been quiet really; he's been working on his job and working out hardcore getting ready for the recon course this fall/next year (we aren't sure yet) and I've been busy with school. Now, we thought Eric would be able to take leave in June, come home for 2 weeks then go back to Japan and come back to the states for good in November. Well...thats not the case now.

First of all, his 2 year got extended to February 2013, when he was supposed to come back for good to the states November 2012. So I was really upset by that because of several reasons, one I am sick and tired of the 14 hour time difference, it gets REALLY annoying and frustrating at times. Two, he only gets two weeks for Christmas/New Years leave so if he was in the states and he went back to his duty station I could of visited during my month break after. So I got my hearts up and that was stupid of me and I was sad for a bit, but he'll be back in the states sometime, just not as soon as I wanted.

Soon after I got those news, we found out that there's a rumor/been talk of how Eric and I guess the rest of his unit aren't allowed to take leave in June, so basically..I'm going to go for almost a year (Jan to Dec) without seeing Eric. I don't know what to think, I hope its not true and I pray thats its just a huge misunderstanding. I really wish I could go to Japan to see him, he wouldn't be able to take leave but at least I could see him before work, after work and the weekend too of course. But I doubt that could happen, but I have hope.

I just hope whatever happens, is that we do find a way to see each other. I just want to see him, even for a minute, maybe two. I'll take what I can get.

Fingers crossed.