Somebody I Used to Know.

Well, 2014 hasn't exactly started off the way I hoped; in fact its gone quite the opposite direction. I wanted the first week of the new year to be happy, relaxing and just fresh. Everything was brand new, a chance at a do over. I wanted to start off the new year with positivity and good vibes. I always ask myself why doesn't things work out the way we plan them to? And my answer to myself always makes me think of God and how the bible along with a lot of people say that "I/He have/has a plan for you." And I ask myself again, silently I pray: "Why can't you tell me what your plan is? Or why can't you guide me?" I always expect an answer but I get silence instead.

I always try to think in a positive way and considering I'm a half glass full kind of girl, its not something that comes easy to me. I'm very negative and since I started college I realized how much of a problem it is, so I slowly started to work on that aspect of myself. 4 years later and I am pretty dang proud of myself because I'm not as negative as I used to be. I don't think I will be a full glass person but I'm not as dark as I used to be.

I like the new year because I think its such a lovely concept; its a brand new year, 365 days and you start right back at 1. And every year, I try my best to start off with a positive outlook and lots of ambition. Now its no secret that I've gained a lot of weight, in fact, during the duration of 2013 I gained 60 lbs because of wedding and school anxiety and stress.

Needless to say I'm not happy with myself and I cannot stand to even look at myself in the mirror most of the time. So its back to working out regularly for me and back to Weight Watchers. Besides losing weight, I also want to work on being happy with myself and happy in general. I fully intend to make 2014 my year; I have so many wonderful things to look forward to, for example when I was back in Ohio visiting last week I found out that if I take summer classes over the summer, I'll be graduating college in December. I have other exciting news to share but they have to stay secret for now, but hopefully I'll be able to share them soon. (No I am not pregnant.)

I am very, very serious about making 2014 "my year." I want to lose weight, be happy, grow even more as a person and lastly, spend as much time with Eric as I can. I don't have time to deal with ANY KIND of negativity...which brings me to the whole point of this blog post.

In the first week of January, I was lied to. About something that was so insignificant and that didn't matter, that if "lying" was a person they would of been offended. I wish I could say it was something I could overlook, but to me lying is the ultimate form of betrayal. I don't care if its a small white lie, do not lie to me. I value honesty over a lot of other things. Anyway, one lie became two and two lies became three and it got to the point where I wanted to explode, scream at the top of my lungs and break something. Lying over something...that didn't even matter.

Those 3 lies burned a few bridges for me and destroyed whatever relationship I had with that person. Someone who swore up and down that they "weren't that kind of person," someone I cared about, looked up to and loved very much. Somebody I used to know.

I wonder sometimes if its events like this that God does to us to test us or specially to test me. Things haven't been that easy down here, becoming a marine wife, moving away from home, dealing with school from afar...nothing has been easy. But losing people that I thought were my friends in the most horrible way, is that God testing me too?

But you know what, if you were really my friends you wouldn't lie to me. Friends trust me each other, they love and care about each other, they don't lie to each other. I don't need people in my life like that, because once again, 2014 is going to be my year and I don't need negative people like you in my life, ever. 

So even though you hurt me, hurt other people close to me too, I don't wish you unhappiness but I do hope you realize the bridges you burn can't be fixed or build up again. I'm not looking back anymore, I'm looking forward, I'm sick of looking back and from now on, I refuse to look back. 

In the future, I hope you realize what we had was real and what you did was wrong. I also hope you look back and smile at all the fun times we had, because I'll cherish those memories for the rest of my life no matter how much you hurt me. It was nice, thinking that for once in my life, I had one true friend. 

But I guess that true friend was neither of you.